It’s been almost two weeks since I noticed the lump. I knew it wasn’t right; I knew it needed to be checked. Yet, I was expecting the doctor to say what was said to me in 2010, “We don’t see anything on your mammogram or ultrasound. You must have fibrocystic breasts.” But, that’s not how the situation unfolded.
After my diagnostic ultrasound, the nurse said the doctor wanted to talk to me in the conference room. I KNEW that wasn’t routine. And, still, I didn’t expect to hear bad news. Although, I knew deep down things weren’t good. When I asked, based on his experience, if he thought it was just something like a cyst, he asked to hold my hand. As he held one hand and the nurse held the other, he looked me straight in my eyes and said, “It’s not a cyst. I’m very concerned and you should be too.” I was shocked. I hung my head and cried. That’s all I could do. Then I asked, “Do I tell my family now? My parents? My kids? Should I wait until the biopsy results?”. “No, you should tell people now rather than later. You need to start building your support team.”
That was Friday, February 24, 2012. The next morning, I drove to my parents’ house to tell them the news. They were supportive and positive. But, they were hurt. I didn’t tell my kids that morning. My daughter had a Winter Guard competition that day and I just couldn’t upset her before she performed. But we had a family meeting that night. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is look my beautiful children in the eyes and tell them I don’t know if I’m ok.
Both of my children responded the way I thought they would. My daughter cried, asked questions and put her head in my lap. (You can read her perspective here) My son took it all in. He listened intently and didn’t say a word. He is slowly beginning to talk about it and has repeatedly told me, “Why would I worry when there’s nothing to worry about right now”. Powerful, Kingdom promises from the mouth of babes!
The response I have had from family and friends has been overwhelming. People that I didn’t expect to respond have been some of the most supportive. Their words have been healing to my soul. I have truly been overcome with friendship and love.
I feel as if I have just crossed the start line of a long, slow marathon. I’ll post entries along the way to the finish line. But, I’m going to enjoy every single moment of this journey with family.