Yesterday was a day I thought I’d never have to face.
For the past 48 hours, we’ve waited for the results of Steph’s biopsy. Those 48 hours were the longest hours of my life. Pray, wait, repeat has been the of mode operation in the Adams household. The wait is the worst of all. I had so many unanswered questions that my mind would wander attempting to seek an answer or land on a resolution or find resolve.
The nurse told us that we would have some of those answers on Wednesday. I asked that she not call Steph until later in the evening when we could be together to hear the results. I left work early yesterday to drive my one hour commute home to be there when the call came. The nurse actually called Steph earlier than expected and she asked the nurse if she could call her back when she got home, to which the nurse agreed.
Camilla was still a winterguard practice, and Joshua was in the living room playing a video game when Steph arrived at the house. We knew we had to find a place to call the nurse that would be outside Joshua’s hearing radius. That was the difficult part because he can hear the littlest thing from anywhere in the house. I swear that kid can hear a dog whistle from a mile away. So, we go sit in the car in the garage. Seriously.
Steph had her phone in one hand, and I took her by the other and offered up a simple prayer before we call.
“Lord, whatever the results, we know You’re going to be with us every step of the way. You won’t be on the outside of the furnace looking in, but in the middle of the fire with us.”
Steph calls the nurse back, and after a little friendly banter, she gets right to the point. “You have breast cancer.” Those words a husband hopes he never has to hear. My heart sank and tears filled my eyes. Steph, in her efficient and organized way, began to take notes of everything the nurse said. Honestly, I didn’t hear much of it because those words kept echoing in my ear “you have breast cancer”. I kept telling myself, “This can’t be happening. This can’t be real.”
After she hung up, we sat there in the car, in our garage, staring at each other with disbelief. Camilla was coming home soon and we knew we had to call our parents, which we did. But then came the burden of telling our kids. It was a brief conversation, and we all shed some tears.
Soon after, Camilla posted her reaction which sums up how we all felt in that moment.
From there it was the whirlwind of calling and telling our friends and family. The response from phone calls, emails and FaceBook posts were overwhelmingly supportive. We barely had time to sit and talk as a couple before we went to bed. I stayed strong for her while she cried, then she’d be strong for me while I cried. I guess that’s how it’s going to be for a while.
Last night was a rough night. She is still having discomfort from the biopsy, so it’s difficult for her to get comfortable. I was called by my work at 3:00AM and I’ve been up ever since.
We both took the day off of work to be together today and have the conversations we didn’t have last night. We’re going to the specialist today and find out what our next steps are.
No matter where this path may lead us, we both know God is walking along side and His presence goes before us.