What a blessing it has been to be too busy to write a blog. It’s just a sign that life is getting closer and closer to normal again. I’ve been healing from the surgery and getting my strength back. I actually went back to my ‘old’ walking route today and enjoyed some time in the sun and listening to music. I’ve been reading numerous books, keeping in touch with my pink-ribbon sisters and enjoying the beginning of band season with my kids.
God has been so faithful through this whole journey to remind me that He is with me. As my name was called while in the waiting room at radiation oncology Tuesday, I looked up to see the nurse had a flower in her hair. Almost the exact same flower I used to wear when I first lost my hair during chemotherapy. I couldn’t help but stare at it the entire time I followed her through the halls into the exam room. I didn’t hear much of what she said because I was so focused on the flower. Wearing those flowers was a comfort for me during a tough time. It somehow made the chemo and the hair loss bearable. And, hey, if you have to wear a scarf on your head, you might as well go big! I felt like God was using her flower to remind me He still sees me, He still hears me and He still cares. I suppose if His presence can be in a burning bush, then it certainly could be associated with a flower. I just couldn’t take my eyes off that flower and the image will forever be in my memory.
As the nurse tried to explain to me the next steps in my treatment, I began to cry. I was so overwhelmed with the fact that I was still going to have to go through radiation. I have been praying for a way around it. I thought I might have found a loophole in the plan when there was no cancer found after chemo and surgery. But, my options were very clear. Outcomes for mastectomy vs lumpectomy with radiation are the same. If I chose to have a lumpectomy then it was required to have radiation. I’m thankful I had the option to save my breast even though it comes with the stipulation of radiation.
Valerie, my nurse, immediately put away the folder in her hand and began to share with me about the peace she had about this situation. She never asked if I believed in God or if I went to church. In fact, I skipped the question on the form regarding my ‘religion’. (I never answer those because I feel like they are asking me if I believe in a religious institution or denomination. I believe in Jesus as my Savior and Healer not an organization, but that is not an option on the check boxes.) Valerie said she really felt peace in her spirit and she knew that God was taking care of me. She acknowledged and agreed with Rick as he encouraged me that God had taken care of me through everything I’ve been through and He was going to take care of me now, too. I believe God placed Valerie in that office for me on Tuesday because I needed one of His children to keep me focused on Him.
Yes, I want a way out of radiation, but I will do whatever God has planned for me. And, I’ll do whatever if takes to live a long life with my husband, kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. I am comforted to know that Jesus knows how I feel.
“He [Jesus] went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” -Matthew 26:39
“Again, a second time, He [Jesus] went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” -Matthew 26:42
God hasn’t failed me during this whole journey. And, I know that He will be with me now. I’m nervous and scared, but I’m holding His hand and walking this path in obedience. I pray He will protect my body and comfort my soul. May He have all the glory for the things yet to come.